series of thoughts

1. I need to write these thoughts otherwise they would consume me destructively. 
2. I noticed that when my thoughts - even positive ones - stay too long in my head, they all rot.
3. Here I am 20 something minutes before I ought to leave the house trying to save myself from my own thoughts. 
4. Last night, I was watching Eat, Pray, Love. Now that I think about it, it seemed like a desperate attempt to enlighten myself about the beauty of life and the universe. Nonetheless, I enjoyed the movie... maybe because the oriental places in the movie reminded me so much of home. To some extent, I can relate to Liz. She has this box of magazine pages of the places she's always wanted to visit. Travelling is that one thing I am certain I want to do in life. 
5. Am I going through a phase? 
6. I've been reading a lot of travel blogs lately and my will to travel has grown since. But... will this be a permanent feeling? Or will my mindset change like how I change my aesthetic preferences every few months? 
7. I mean, I know I want to travel. When I think about getting immersed in new cultures, I feel my heart beating. Isn't that what being a alive means?
8. These past few years have been very robotic. I've been going through life in a chronological order, always submitting to societal pressure. 
9. "After high school you need to go to university. After getting your degree, get a job. Oh and also get married and start your own family along the way." 
10. I think about relationships more often than I admit. You know, "how does it feel like to have someone hold your hand?" "what's it like to have someone think about you in that way?" 
11. But it's like... I don't want to have my own family. Dating? Yes, sure. Boyfriend? Uhm, maybe. Getting married? ....... 
12. I am not sure about my major anymore. I'm never certain about anything these days. 
13. I really need to journal again and fix my life.